Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Too Furious for a Snappy Title

An old friend shared this on Facebook last night. When I saw it this morning... There just aren't words to describe how pissed it makes me at the source of some of the ideas he has.

Transcript follows. My interjections in italics. Emphasis mine in bold.

Words I needed to share
One day he will not be here. I will have fading memories, dreams and some photos and videos.
 My friend's kid has a genetic disorder. His brain is degenerating, and he will die painfully, almost certainly. There is no cure.
I do believe in a miracle of healing. I don't know how believing can make it happen. I believe it could happen but I don't think it is likely. I don't think God will do it. It is like I have already decided Gods plan for [my son]. I am telling the Lord and myself what will happen. I ...have decided the outcome. Doctors and researcher have decided the outcome.
The cognitive dissonance is thick here, and the desperation. The world doesn't work the way he's been told. Every glurge story, every movie of the week, says that there should be a healing miracle. And there won't be. He knows it. And some part of what he's been told says that it was his decision. Something says that he is to blame for his child's suffering. Something says it is part of God's plan. I'm glad God doesn't exist, because if so, I'd have to foil his plan or die trying.
Lord this is what is. Arms do not grow back, brain tissue does not come back once it is gone. We don't grow body parts and brains. Are bodies can learn to adapt and live.
This is not a stupid guy. He believes in magic and miracles, but he also believes that magic and miracles are not actually going to happen. I'm sure some in his own community would say he doesn't have enough faith, that if he really believed

What does this look like for [my son]. Will his brain and his cells stop deterring, will they stop dying, become less and less functional? Will the process reverse? All the skills he had, the functions will they come back?
I guess there's still a glimmer of hope. Why is that a good thing, exactly? I'd love it if someone could tell me why it's a good thing to take someone in this situation and tell them a comforting lie that will eventually be revealed as false, shattering them yet again.

 I think I am hiding from something. Hiding from pain. Not that I want to cry all the time. I don't know what I am feeling half the time. We are emotions. I am sad, and most of the time I feel nothing. Like i am just there. Sitting on a dry old porch in the hot sun. Evening closing and the sky turning dark blue and black. I don't want to get up from the chair. I could sit and stair into nothing all night.
Where is this going? Not sure.
Guess I should pray. I suppose I all ready am. I should ask something of you Lord.
Not so sure what that is right now.
I will try. No use writing all this down and telling God the heart He ready knows. I see these words are really for me. Some how the Lord is showing me something in all this.

The worst thing that will probably ever happen to him and he thinks that someone is responsible and is using it to ...TEACH HIM A LESSON. This person that I love sounds like an abused spouse. For anyone out there that is an agnostic or on the fence, for anyone that's ever said "What's the harm?" Here's the harm. This person has been so broken on the wheel of religion, that when he knows who is responsible for his child's painful tortuous death, he doesn't want revenge, he wants to find out what message the torturer is trying to send. So he can grow from it...

Like my words reflecting my heart and desires are directing me to His.
Not sure how that works.
It might be true.
I love you Lord. That is one thing I know to be true.
I think Christians got the wrong message out of Job. "Love the lord even in bad times" or something to that effect. The real moral of Job is, "Yahweh is a prick that killed your child over a bet with Satan".

- End Transcript -

It's been awhile since I posted, but this hurt me. This choked me with furious tears. People I love are being mentally abused, and like abused spouses, they're willing participants. There's nothing I can do, but expose it, so that the next generation might say "Only a monster would torture someone to death to teach someone else a lesson".


  1. This is really painful to read. There is a process of grief happening here and the source they are turning to is telling them that it is thier fault ( in a way). That is the worst thing you can tell someone who is grieving. Maybe hospice has a counseling scervice that can help them?

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  3. "What's the harm?" It's sad for him that he feels he is being taught a lesson, but sadder that he is spreading this abuse himself. He spends his days telling children they are "sinners" and "are going to hell" as a youth pastor.